


Colloquialisms and Calculations

by MoveTheUniverse



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Androids, Cassian Andor-centric, Facial Shaving, Fluff, Gen, Gift Fic, M/M, POV K-2SO, Pre:Rogue One, Space Spanish, and so does Kay, can be read as friendship or romance and both!, cassian andor cares so much, in his own way, rating for mentions of minor violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 17:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17228507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoveTheUniverse/pseuds/MoveTheUniverse
Summary: K-2SO is quite good at calculations, and also very good at protecting Cassian Andor. He's just slightly lacking in the ability to understand odd phrases of speech, which is unfortunate, given how often organics like Cassian tend to use them. But there's 99.999% chance he'll keep processing the expressions until he does, because understanding Cassian matters a great deal to K-2SO. Perhaps, in fact, more than anything else.





	Colloquialisms and Calculations

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bright_Elen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bright_Elen/gifts).



> This is a gift fic for the incredible [Bright_Elen!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bright_Elen) Thank you so much for all your lovely comments on my fics and for letting me bounce so many ideas off of you. I truly hope you like it.  
> Also, a big thank you to [SassySnowperson!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramaticEntrance/pseuds/SassySnowperson) for the stats-based beta. Any inaccuracies in stats lingo is entirely my fault.

Now that he’s a captain, Cassian is to go on solo missions. Or so he’s told K-2SO. This does not compute with the droid. He’s programed to protect Cassian Andor, and what’s more, he’s __good__ at protecting Cassian Andor. Why, Cassian has avoided death 100% of the time since beginning his work with K-2SO. Those are very admirable statistics.

Cassian likes statistics too. Likes them more than most organics do. (He also appears to like other organics less than most organics do, but K-2SO has run multiple regressions trying to determine if that is caused by the enjoyment of statistics. Those data sets have shown no statistical significance, no cause to reject the null, and therefore, he cannot state, with any certainty, that Cassian’s enjoyment of statistics causes him to dislike other organics)’

He has, however, noticed the R Squared value, the change of behavior, or the variation, explained by a set of factors, remains consistent on one set of data.

If Cassian gets less than four hours of sleep, and he has just returned from a mission at the “highly classified” or above rating, and he has been informed by Commander Draven that his performance was __less than ideal__ , and Cassian’s sniper rifle has been depleted of at least one round of ammo, then, Cassian will not use clear, standard, and easily understood, Galactic Basic in his conversations the next day. Instead, his sentences will follow non-standard grammatical constructions, he may lapse into one of the seven other languages he is fluent in, or he may simply mutter and give up halfway through speaking to someone. Then, he usually goes to the range, or out for a run, or to practice climbing. Alone. There is a high correlation between Cassian’s need to be alone and his failure to communicate successfully with other soldiers.The failure will almost always cause the reaction of alone time, which K-2SO does not understand.

Oddly, adding in the factor of “if Cassian was injured” does not change the variation at all. That factor explains a great deal of the other soldiers’ behavioral changes, but never Cassian’s. K-2SO has studied the variables that consistently contribute to Cassian's behavior closely but this one concerns him the most.

Because when Cassian does not use clear Galactic Basic, K-2S0 must ask him to repeat himself. And when he asks Cassian to repeat himself, there is a 64.7% chance that Cassian will simply say “Forget it,” and change the topic.

But K-2SO is not good at forgetting things on command. He does forget things, of course, little bits of data that float away between metal synapses not quite connected at all times, and information that he thought he stored in a good processor, only to find that processor has been damaged in their latest mission together.

Other times, K-2SO has the opposite problem, and bits of information come back at the exact wrong times. For example, once, they were in a firefight on Nar Shaddaa, and suddenly, a memory came back to K-2SO. He turned to Cassian and asked, “why is it when a statistic I provide is a 69% chance, ignoring any percentage after that, Kes Dameron always states “nice?”

“Not now, Kaytu!” Cassian had shouted. He had used exactly those words.

“But the statistic I provide is not always summarizing good or healthy data, both of which would merit a comment of “nice”, Cassian.”

“Kay!” Cassian had yelled, exactly, and then he had said a few more words which K-2SO is not hardwired to record, due to Imperial Protocols. He needs to tell Cassian that. Mustn’t forget to. It’s hard to remember where you’re broken, K-2S0 thinks, and harder still to inform someone else of it.

Even if that other being is the only person that can fix the broken pieces.

Because there is a 91.32% that Cassian will be able to successfully re-wire whatever odd bit of loose coding K-2SO informs him of. He told Cassian that once, but instead of making him pleased in that way organics get when they are told positive things, Cassian had looked down, staring at the ground between them. “So low?” he had asked.

“It’s not low at all.” K-2S0 had said. “It is even above many accepted levels of statistical significance. After all, the Alliance uses an alpha value set to .1, permitting ten percent variance. At 91.32% you are well within the Alliance's determined acceptable level of risk, which is 10%.” (Although according to K-2SO’s own calcuations, the Alliance usually operates at a much higher level of risk, because over 81.4% of the time, they run the calculation for a tactical maneuver, notice the result is higher than the acceptable level of risk, and then, attempt the tactical maneuver anyway. Organics, especially Rebel Alliance organics, seem to delight in ignoring the odds against them.)

Cassian, who also often ignores the odds that are against him, even when K-2SO painstakingly calculates them for him, and even more strangely, also often ignores the odds when he himself calculates them, asks, “And what level does the Empire use?”

“Why does it matter?”

“Please.”

It’s an odd word, please. When Cassian says it, he usually means “try again” or sometimes “go on without me,” and occasionally “forget i said anything.” K-2SO’s dictionary states that is is most often used in polite requests or questions. But that is odd, too, because more than once, an officer has asked Cassian to be more polite in meetings.

K-2S0 has no processors that provide guidance on being polite. Maybe Cassian’s is lacking in them too.

But in that moment, he had provided the answer to Cassian’s request. “The Empire’s standard for all statistical calculations is an alpha value of .001, ensuring that, prior to completion, any work must be at 99.999% accuracy.”

Cassian had made an odd noise in the back of his throat, the noise much like one he’d made when someone had broken his wrist in a show of power in a negotiation. (negotiations, his dictionary told him, were often civilized and polite. But Cassian’s never were.) Then, he had looked up at K-2SO, and said “I want that level of accuracy for you.”

“For my repairs?”

He had nodded, his hair falling into his eyes. K-2S0 sometimes feels the desire to push the strands away from Cassian’s forehead when that occurs, but he is certain that is simply because it is useful to view a human’s eyes to gauge their emotional responses.

Cassian patted K-2SO’s chasis, and said “I’ll keep working. I’ll get there.”

“I know,” he replied. “You have a 99% chance of working on my repairs until you fall unconscious.”

Cassian tilts his head, which he does when he is running his own calculations. The hair remains in the way of his gaze. Maybe K-2SO should suggest a haircut. Or a comb. “What’s the 1%”

“The time in which Commander Draven ordered you to leave me.”

Cassian looks down once more. “Won’t happen again. I swear it.”

A swear is often a curse, which he is not programed to remember. But this one isn’t a curse. It reads as a vow. Vows are important. “You do not have to.”

“I want to.”

And there, the conversation had ended. Now, in this present moment, he remembers what he meant to tell Cassian. He turns to him. “I cannot record curse words in my memory processors, Cassian.”

Cassian fires another shot with his blaster, hitting a trooper directly in the neck, which drops the trooper to the ground. 87.1% of being terminated. 100% of rendered immobile. Then, Cassian growls at K-2SO “¿Qué carajo?”

“I am informing you of my flaws due to your attempt at reprogramming.” K-2SO replies. Whatever Cassian has said to him does not register but he is able to record it, so it does not seem to be a curse. 

Cassian yanks his arm, pulling him around a corner as more troops appear. Cassian is motionless, breathing hard. The troops bootsteps make it clear they’re going the other way. “Inform me later,” Cassian mutters.

“How much later?”

“When we’re home.”

Home is another interesting phrase. For Cassian, it is any base, anywhere. THat is not the way most of the soldiers he has met use the word. And K-2SO has no reason to use the word, either. Droids don’t have homes, just docking stations.

Although if he did have one, it would, at a 99.999% level of significance, be wherever Cassian Andor was.

* * *

 

K-2SO waits until Cassian has made his debrief, and filled out his forms, and used the fresher. He doesn’t wait until Cassian has dried his hair and put on new clothes. Cassian is Cassian, in a uniform or in a towel wrapped around his hips. Although, when he is wearing that, K-2SO is able to see all the scars from prior missions. Organics shouldn’t have so many scars. They are a sign of failure to protect one’s self. He tells Cassian that.

Cassian shakes his head. “Or they’re a sign that the other guy had bad aim.”

“It’s not always a guy who injures you. Most recently, the female Hrakian assassin you encountered managed to land a throwing knife in your left shoulder.”

“It’s an expression. Guy… sums up most beings.”

“Does it include droids?”

“Sure.” There appears to be a bit of a smile on Cassian’s face. Good.

“Then we are both guys.” He tries out the word.

“Look at you, learning colloquialisms.”

He checks his dictionary for the meaning of the word. a word or phrase that is not formal or literary, typically one used in ordinary or familiar conversation. Interesting. That does sum up many of the expressions K-2SO questions. Including…

“Cassian.” When he says his name, the captain looks up from his task called shaving. (K-2SO does not understand shaving at all. But, it is a useful gauge of Cassian Andor’s energy levels. K-2SO has learned that if Cassian chooses not to shave for more than ten standard days, and there is no mission requiring him to wear his facial hair longer, it is a sign that Cassian needs to be placed in a bed and made to rest. He has also learned that if Cassian spends a long time carefully shaping the dark hair around his mouth into a pleasing visual arrangement, it is usually because he will be reporting to High Command. Therefore, that is also a warning sign for K-2SO to prepare to ensure Cassian is cared for. The High Command has made Cassian’s shoulders shake before, a sign that usually proceeds crying, for everyone but Cassian Andor. Therefore, K-2SO is not fond of the High Command. He does not want Cassian to cry, not even the preceding signs of crying. Ever.)

Today, though, Cassian seems to be doing normal matitence to his face, and therefore K-2SO is unworried. “Cassian, when you stated “Qué carajo” what did you mean? I searched my data dictionaries,” he had installed the most accurate Festian one he could find, ages ago. “And the word carajo is recorded as being the top viewport of an old-fashioned space craft. But you used it as an exclamatory phrase.”

“Think this one out, Kay,” Cassian sweeps the razor over the smooth plane of his cheek. He asks K-2SO to do that a good deal. To make connections himself, instead of instructing him.

“Is it a colloquialism?” he asks.

“Mm.” Cassian moves to the other side of his face. His motion on that side is less accurate. His beard will be uneven.

“May I?”

“May you what?”

“Your shaving is uneven, because you have to reach across your face. I could be more precise.”

Cassian tilts his head again, and finally, nods. “Sure. Thank you.”

He sits down, and K-2SO gets to work. He’s gentle, because Cassian has reprogrammed him with the ability to be gentle, and he’s gentle, because this is Cassian. The razor is very small, and Cassian’s skin is so fragile. The task is very important. More important than any statistical test will show.

That’s how he feels about Cassian, really. There is no regression, no data set, that can express the level of importance the man is to K-2SO. So, he expresses it with things like this. With helping. He cannot fix broken wires inside Cassian the way Cassian does to him, but he can wrap him in blankets when he shivers in his sleep, or ensure that his shaving is accurate when his hands tremble.

“Tell me more colloquialisms.”

So Cassian does. He talks about por si las moscas and en la boca cerrada no entran moscas which are two different expressions, K-2SO learns, and neither of which involves actual bugs. And a bug that is a mosca is different from a bug that is a problem in his coding. Cassian tells him expressions in Galactic Basic too, and admits, “sometimes I struggle with them.”

“You are good at conversing.”

“You weren’t there the time I thought Shara’s command to Kes to stop “shooting the breeze” was a comment on his inaccuracies at the firing range.”

“What was it?”

Cassian tells him, that breeze is gossip and shooting is chatting or something like that. There are few one-to-one correlations in human conversations. This stresses K-2SO sometimes. He’s glad that Cassian admits that he too is unsure at times.

“I like these colloquialisms,” K-2SO says. He’s finished his task and carefully wipes away the shaving cream with a warm towel. Cassian shivers under his touch.”You are cold?”

“No, no. It just… felt nice.” Cassian smiles at him. “Thank you.”

“A shave between guys is a nice thing.” K-2SO declares. “Look. I have made a colloquialism.”

And that makes Cassian laugh. A bright, good sound that fires up all the positive processes inside of K-2SO. It is rare and good and he wishes he could record it, but he knows a recording will not please him as much. Instead, he decides, he vows, he swears, he will find the regression that will provide him with the ways to make Cassian laugh.

Because in K-2SO’s own processing systems, the ones he is working on building for himself, Cassian Andor’s happiness explains 99.9999% of K-2SO’s own.


End file.
